I molested 6 butterflies tonight
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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