you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
