i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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