You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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