Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
