I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
