after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
