dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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