theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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