What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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