got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize