u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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