She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
