So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Houston, we have a blender
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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