i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
