I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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