I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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