I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
