i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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