his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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