i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
