I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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