i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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