I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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