i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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