I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
