He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
