I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
BRING THE BAGELS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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