Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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