fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
