bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
