I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
