just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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