Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
