I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
