Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
