he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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