Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
