Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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