Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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