someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
