I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
