The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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