Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just threw up on my dentist
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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