After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
