your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
