Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
