So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize