Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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