Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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