i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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