my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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