Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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