I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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