I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
