i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
