And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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