So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
