Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
God, I missed his penis.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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