You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
