a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Semen is not good for contacts.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
