I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
