I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
