well I can't set my house on fire every night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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